Bad feeling

I said I would talk about how it is 4 days after embryo transfer but I just can’t wait that long. Today has been wreaking havoc with my emotions. I wish everyone would stop asking me if I feel any different. No- absolutely not and that is what is reducing me to a sniveling mess of tears at the most random times. So.. if you don’t want me to burst out crying- stop asking me. Day 3 is when I got a terrible feeling I just can’t shake that it hadn’t worked. I am angry. Angry is such a negative emotion it is hard for me to say it out loud. What or who am I angry at? I am angry at pregnant people who got pregnant the first time they tried, at ones who get to hold babies (I know that sounds horrible), at something just stopping me from enjoying a pleasure in life, and most of all that no matter what I go through nothing is working. Tonight I feel defeated. My husband is always hopeful- he believes in his dream premonitions and I certainly do not. He dreamed I held a positive test. I just don’t want to hear it anymore.